Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Golf course hazards

You never know what you’re going to encounter on a golf course. Including, of course, errant golf balls struck by other golfers – or even by yourself!

I think the most painful injury I ever sustained on a golf course was self-inflicted. The ball was close to a concrete cart path and had to be hit across the path toward the hole, but kept low to avoid tree limbs ahead.

Yes, I know . . . if you stay in the fairway you don’t face these problems. But c’mon—not even Tiger Woods’ ball lands in the fairway every time!

Anyway, I took a mighty swing and succeeded in keeping the ball low. In fact, it was SO low that it hit the one-inch-high edge of the concrete path and ricocheted back and up striking the back of my leading wrist as I continued the swing toward a follow-through. That follow-through was never achieved. I let go of the club and was completely convinced I had broken the wrist.

No, I didn’t let loose with a string of colorful words. Don’t be disappointed—it wasn’t due to my great restraint. Nor did it have anything to do with my respect for the sanctity of the quiet, pastoral environment. Rather, it was simply a matter of my inability to draw a breath or find my voice in the face of the blinding, searing pain!

Turned out it was "only" a deep briuse, but it still hurt like . . . Well, it hurt.

And there are other hazards to be aware of on the course besides those white spherical missiles. One such hazard is the amazing Texas tree-climbing turtle.

What? You don’t think turtles can climb trees?

Well, think again. I have photographic proof!

And lest you suspect that I might have placed that turtle in the tree, here’s another shot—this time with TWO turtles on their way up.

Everyone knows about water hazards on golf courses. Almost every course has at least a few well-placed wet areas that have an unnatural attraction for white plastic-coated spheroids. But what many fail to realize, or think about, is what (besides hundreds of golf balls) might be IN that wet area.

Here’s one example:

(Any of you herpetologists out there care to tell me what species this is?)

And finally, there are aggressive, nasty geese.

What . . . you don’t think geese are particularly hazardous? Well, take a gander at the face of this . . . er. . . gander. He’s hissing! Check out that tongue!

You’ve heard the expression, “As rare as hen’s teeth,” right? You think a goose doesn’t have teeth? Well take a really close look at this guy’s oral weaponry, and tell me that you’re not reminded of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.


Jan said...

I'm wildly curious about what the turtles do once they have conquered the heights of the tree. Is it necessary that they travel in two's?

Duke_of_Earle said...


I think they chase and catch squirrels. You ought to see them swing from on tree to another by snagging the end of a small branch in their mouths. And yes, two of them can corner a squirrel much fater than just one climbing alone.


Unknown said...

TX is just plain dangerous.

kenju said...

Something tells me you are having great fun at our expense....LOL

Duke_of_Earle said...


What was the date today??? Hmmmm.


Nankin said...

LOL! Only because I'm the world's worst golfer. And yes, we have snakes and other nasty little creatures in TX.