Wednesday, January 07, 2009

The name game

Yesterday morning I was shaving, mentally somewhere else entirely, when I noticed a trickle of blood from my chin. Hadn’t felt a thing, but the razor had apparently been just a bit too aggressive at that spot.

That reminded me of the old joke that goes something like:

Q : What do you call a man who cuts himself shaving?

A: Nick.

And THAT thought got me to wondering how many other, similarly punful names could be so used.

I thought of another one or two I’d heard before, and then tried to be creative and think of more. I’m sure that if I Googled some of the humor sites I could find a hundred such name jokes, but all of the ones below that do NOT have an asterisk are made up by me (even if not original).

Here’s my list, with the answers in the first comment. Some are pretty obvious; all are bad. See how many you can get, and then how many others you already know or can come up with on your own. (No fair searching the web!)

What do you call a man who:

1. Repeatedly cuts himself shaving? (I already GAVE you this one.)*
2. Lights up a room with his smile?
3. Can lift up one end of a car with his bare hands?
4. Has no arms or legs, and falls into a pool?*
5. Has a nose like a bird’s beak?
6. Is a homosexual member of the upper chamber of parliament?
7. Always knows the direction to his house?
8. Can force open a stuck window barehanded?
9. Smells like an outhouse?
10. Has a colorful birthmark on his face?
11. Is short and skinny with a flat head?
12. Burglarizes homes?
13. Operates a P.A. system?
14. Likes to run after women?
15. Loves to try on clothes?
16. Keeps his gas tank topped off?
17. Is always cleaning his house?
18. Is a probate attorney?
19. Plays practical jokes?
20. Enjoys cutting his grass?
21. Wears an ear stud?


How about a woman who:

1. Is a partner in a law firm?
2. Loves to sing Christmas songs?

(See first comment for my answers . . . And I apolgize in advance!)

8 comments:

Duke_of_Earle said...

Answers:

What do you call a man who:

22. Repeatedly cuts himself shaving? Nick
23. Lights up a room with his smile? Ray
24. Can lift up one end of a car with his bare hands? Jack
25. Has no arms or legs, and falls into a pool? Bob
26. Has a nose like a bird’s beak? Bill
27. Is a homosexual member of the upper chamber of parliament? Gaylord
28. Always knows the direction to his house? Homer
29. Can force open a stuck window barehanded? Jimmy
30. Smells like an outhouse? John
31. Has a colorful birthmark on his face? Art
32. Is short and skinny with a flat head? Brad
33. Burglarizes homes? Rob
34. Operates a P.A. system? Mike
35. Likes to run after women? Chase
36. Loves to try on clothes? Don
37. Keeps his gas tank topped off? Phil
38. Is always cleaning his house? Dustin
39. Is a probate attorney? Will
40. Plays practical jokes? Josh
41. Enjoys cutting his grass? Moe
42. Wears an ear stud? Pierce


How about a woman who:

3. Is a partner in a law firm? Sue
4. Loves to sing Christmas songs? Carol

jan said...

Has no arms and legs and hangs on the wall? Art

Ouch

kenju said...

You're too funny!

Hale McKay said...

A man who gets mad about something and won't get over it?

Stu

Nankin said...

MOst of the ones I know, aren't printable on a family blog.

R.E. Wolf said...

Personal favourite: a man with no arms or legs, in a pile of leaves?





Russell

Duke_of_Earle said...

Nan,
Aw, c'mon. How bad can they be? Try me, and if they're REALLY offensive I'll just laugh and THEN delete your comment.

R.E.,
I actually thought of Russell as a homonym of "rustle," but never thought of the pile of leaves!

John

Nocturnal Queen said...

Man with no arms or legs lying on the front porch? Matt.