Friday, July 01, 2005

It’s Too Hot, Too Hot, Too Hot Lady…

“Gotta run for shelter, gotta run for shade.”

I heard that playing on the oldies station on my way to work this morning. Then the Morning Show Personality (we used to call them a DeeJay, remember that?) announced that the forecast heat index for today was 110 degrees.

He didn’t mention the Hades index, but I’m guessing it’s well over 100%. That means it’s NOT gonna be as hot as Hell, it’s gonna be HOTTER than Hell out there!

What’s worse is, the forecast for where we’ll be playing golf all weekend is for a high temp each day right on the edge of triple digits. With bright sunshine. And with little air movement.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Hades index, it’s not an exact, constant ratio. You see, Satan is in charge of the heat setting in his own abode. Sometimes he makes it hotter there than parts of this country. But sometimes the country manages to achieve a temperature higher than his setting.

Further, I don’t maintain constant communications with that region so I don’t always know the setting down there. But rest assured that when I report an index it’s based on some discrete information I’ve managed to make up find.

What? You say you’re concerned about me and Carol out playing golf all day in such heat? No? Oh, you’re concerned about her, but NOT about me. I get it.

Please do not worry. While it’s true that on these outta town golf trips we typically play two rounds (36 holes) per day; we “wimp out” in this hot weather and ride in a cart. That allows us to create our own air movement sometimes, and carry plenty of ice water. We know enough to hydrate well and often.

Of course, Carol gets more advantage from riding than I do. She hits the ball far down the middle, hops back in the cart and smiles sweetly at me, ready to ride forward to her ball.

I, on the other hand, swat the ball, say a few choice phrases under my breath, walk a few paces forward (most of the time it's forward, although if I hit a tree it’s sometimes backwards) to its new resting place, and swat it again. Repeat. I don’t get to ride that much.

I’m writing this post at work, something I don’t usually do. (And since my boss reads this blog: Greg, don’t worry. I’m writing it on my lunch break. Honest!)

Well, lunch is about over. Hope y’all have a great holiday weekend! I’m off. Sing it with me…

“It’s too hot, too hot, too hot lady.
Gotta cool this anger, what a mess we made.”

(Kool & the Gang)


Michelle said...

ROFL - I loved the bit where you wrote about your golf ball hitting a tree and travelling backwards. Have a great long weekend John and say hi to Carol.

T. said...

Kudos for a Kool and the Gang reference. Keep cool, Earles.

Michelle said...

Is my page not refreshing or are you taking a break? Am missing seeing your regular updating .... so get back soon, will ya?

Duke_of_Earle said...

T: Cool it is! When are we going to see some more "Beautiful Vibes?"

Michelle: Why, thank you for checking and hitting that "refresh" button often! I'm back to blogging daily now that our weekend getaway is over.