Well, since I’m a good, patriotic citizen and determined to do my duty, I agreed to cooperate.
I explained how the whole thing works and presented them with my evidence. At first they seemed confused about the methods used by the various conspiring objects to communicate.
(Can you imagine? I mean, isn’t it obvious?)
I detailed the connection of pipes and wires in my house, and told them that I use a wireless router for my home computer network.
(All of that made sense to them, but they thought it a stretch that my vehicles were a part of it all.)
Ha! THEN I explained that even the car and van have computers in them. They had to acknowledge that!
At one point they seemed to be losing interest in my tales of plumbing leaks, digital file failures, electrical shorts and, of course, the transmission overhaul. But you should have seen them perk up when I told them that the conspiracy is transmitted over the INTERNET!
They thought I just meant that it is spread within the borders of the U.S. that way. “Oh, no,” I told them!
Once I showed them Michelle’s posts from South Africa, and recent comments from my U.K. readers, then they REALLY became animated.
“It’s international!?” they almost shouted.
I affirmed that it is.
“Do you think Osama is behind it?” they demanded, in breathless anticipation. Well, duh!
I told them I didn’t know if he was behind it or not, but that I was pretty sure he was involved to some extent.
(I mean, use your head! What better way for a terrorist organization to wreak havoc on our Western civilization that through these “presumed” inanimate objects?)
(Gee. “Western Civilization.” That would be a great name for a History book.)
Anyway, they promised they’d be back in touch for more information. Oh, and I provided them with a complete list of
Yes, it takes them a lot longer, but they can get more funding from next year’s budget if they make their task appear more difficult.
So don’t be surprised if your phone rings in the middle of the night.
It’ll probably be Osama.