Sunday, February 26, 2006

I must do what I must do.


Dear readers, I’m sorry. Several of you have asked... nay, BEGGED me not to write further on this topic. But I fear I am compelled.

The electronic/mechanical/structural conspiracy continues to gain strength, and SOMEBODY has to keep people informed about it!

I have detailed in previous posts how my appliances, electronic equipment, plumbing, automobiles, and even the structure of my home (roof, walls, foundation) are all not only communicating with each other, they are conspiring together to make the lives of us human beings miserable!

The evidence is everywhere! You’ve all heard the old saying that bad things happen in threes? Well, that doesn’t go NEARLY far enough!

I have explained HOW this communication among the various so-called “inanimate” objects occurs. The only remaining mystery is the WHY! WHY do all things seem to conspire against us to fail at the MOST inopportune time, and in the MOST hurtful fashion possible?

For years we have laughed it off as “Murphy’s Law,” or one of the many corollaries thereof. But I have come to know that Murphy was a prophet! His “Law” ("Anything that CAN go wrong, WILL!") is Gospel!

Legend has it that he died a horrible death when all his appliances caught fire simultaneously, his house collapsed around him, and several vehicles on the highway outside his home veered inexplicably and plowed through the rubble of his collapsed and burning home, running him over!

He was only 23 years old at the time, and had JUST written his “theorem” (which later became known as a law, once its immutability was demonstrated) and mailed it to his publisher.

(Yes, Murphy was a writer. He sent in his “theorem” as part of a manuscript the publisher had requested from Murphy’s agent.)

Can you possibly doubt that what I am telling you is true? Have you read the EVIDENCE I have presented in this blog? Have you read the TESTIMONY of my other readers in their frequent comments? You still need MORE proof?!

All right! Here it is!

My daughter’s computer would not boot up. Windows had detected a FATAL ERROR! I told her to try “safe mode,” and that worked. “So what?” you ask? Well, when she then restarted in “Normal” mode, it worked perfectly!

At the same time, my van (which had JUST shredded its transmission requiring a THREE THOUSAND dollar overhaul) began making horrible noises. A mechanic of 30 years drove it and assured me that the front end suspension was surely the culprit and needed immediate replacement before it failed and Carol and I were killed in a horrible fiery wreck!

But when I took it in to have the front suspension replaced, he (the same mechanic) determined that the noise was being made by the transmission dipstick! (I am NOT making this up!) He properly secured the dipstick tube, and the noises ceased.

What’s the connection, you ask? Ha! Isn’t it obvious? All the parties to the conspiracy are laughing at us!! They are mocking! They are fooling us into thinking that major repairs are needed, and then they fix themselves.

Ah! But I know the devious nature of their plans. And I must reveal them to you. Be warned! This is just their “softening up” phase.

They want us to be lulled into thinking that all the glitches are just MINOR, INEXPENSIVE problems that will “go away” if left alone. When we get to that point, the HAMMER will fall! The SWORD OF DAMOCLES will be released!

There. I’ve let the cat out of the bag. I’ve opened the can of worms. (Is there some other hackneyed analogy I can use? Hmmm.)

So, if you read (or hear on the news) that a couple in Victoria, Texas were killed when four semi-trailer trucks crashed into their burning, collapsed home, running over them and crushing them into the hot embers, YOU’LL KNOW!!

(Where the HELL did I put my meds?)


Ana Lee Kennedy said...

I'm a firm believer that things happen in threes.

RYC: Did you REALLY say that? LOL!

Shesawriter said...


I think our machines are talking to each other, because mine have turned on me too. :-)

I came over here from Faith's blog. Loved this post. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. LOL!


kenju said...

How about this: you opened Pandora's box!

Uh-oh. This does not bode well for you-know-who.

Anonymous said...

The DIPSTICK TUBE?!?! Hahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!!!

Nankin said...

I have to agree, the worst is yet to come. We're havin problems with our ordering system at work and when it's sick, we can't do anything.

One morning, I managed to order more than a million dollars worth of stuff before noon, so you can get an idea of how crippling it is.

Candace said...

Oh great. Now you've done it. Thanks a lot, *&$#@-brain.

Anonymous said...

Duke, the problem you are describing is called "metal memory". Originally when metal was discovered it was turned into weapons, those weapons were used for killing and destruction, then they get melted down and turned into other things such as cars and computers.

All the badness slowly gets diluted so that everything you touch is tainted with death.

I sugest living in a house made purely of wood, use wood spoons, wear clogs and wear clothes with no zip.

The Sprout Mask Replica book by Robert Rankin describes the very phenonenon you have described.