Sunday sunshine and Saturday's projects, cont'd.

The sunshine is mocking me. I hear the bright sky and the soft, warm air calling my name, urging me to come outdoors, play golf, do some yard work...just get out of the house.

But there’s still standing water in the back yard, water in the front ditch, and everything is soggy. So I’ll sit indoors, write, and daydream about another weekend lost to the weather.

Yesterday afternoon, when the toilet still had shown no signs of any leakage, another project beckoned. Oh, before we leave the subject of the toilet, let me assure you I am not fooled by its delay tactics. Toilets ALWAYS leak after initial installation or reconnection. This will be no exception. It is hoping to suck me into the belief that just maybe, this one time, I’ll have completed a project with no leaks.

Ha! I know better. That just won’t ever happen. Never has – never will. CAN’T FOOL ME, TOILET! I’ve been around your kind too many times in the past. I KNOW YOU’RE JUST BIDING YOUR TIME.

I figure that by tomorrow afternoon, about the time I’m due to leave for the airport to be out of town for 3 days, THAT’s when the fool thing will start dripping. I’ll tell my wife to put a pan under it and I’ll tighten things when I get home. Then, that night, it’ll increase to a steady stream and when she calls me on my cell phone I’ll tell her to turn off the faucet that feeds the supply line.

By the next morning the faucet itself will be dripping on the floor. She’ll call me in a panic because the only way to stop the water then is to turn it off at the meter in the front yard. Things like that never happen when I’m at home.

Example: About three years ago I had gone on a three-day trip for training. The first day she called me to tell me we had a new fountain in the front yard. Water was bubbling up from the ground in a strong, steady flow. It just happened to be in a direct line between the water meter and the point where the pipe enters the house.

I had her call a plumber, who found a broken line (tree roots got it) and repaired it. But that’s typical timing. Only happens when I’m gone. The toilet will be no exception.

Beats me how these inanimate objects always know when I’m gone.

Oh, yeah, yesterday’s other project. A four-tube fluorescent fixture in the sewing/computer room had a bad ballast. At least, I assumed that was the problem. Only two of the tubes would light up. Yes, I changed the tubes. No, the new ones wouldn’t light up in those sockets either.

I took off my plumber’s hat and put on my electrician’s. I could either pay $25 for a new ballast (which MIGHT fix the problem), or I could spend $45 for a new light fixture (with two new ballasts, which would DEFINITELY fix the problem). Even knowing what a hassle the new fixture would be to install, I opted for it.

‘Bout two hours later we had light again. No cuts, bruises or electric shocks. So, not a bad rainy day’s work: one toilet (waiting to leak) and lots of light in a previously semi-dark room.

Tonight I’ll pack for my out of town trip and make sure the cell phone is fully charged so I can take the call about the leaking toilet.

YEAH, TOILET, I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU! I KNOW YOU’RE GONNA LEAK, YOU !**!&##!!

I’ll be sure to leave my wife the number of a plumber.