Thursday, January 12, 2006

Here we go again

I tried to warn you. I did my best. And it seemed to be working for a while.

Oh, YOU know what I’m talking about! If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time — even if only off and on — you ought to be aware of what I used to refer to as the conspiracy.

I can go ahead and name it now, because Kenju has written an entire POST on the subject. What’s worse is, she has named names and cited dates of purchase.

I’m sure that by now the entire blogosphere, the ether, the welkin, and likely even the ozone layer are all positively vibrating with plans among and affecting all of our computers, appliances, plumbing fixtures, telephones and even automobiles.

Oh, yes. It’s coming. And probably soon! One after another the dominoes will fall:

• the plumbing will leak or just come apart
• appliances will fail
• vehicles will start dropping pieces on the roadway or the garage floor
• hard drives will crash
• passwords will become scrambled
• VCRs and DVD players will eat any media inserted
• ATMs and vending machines will steal our money and our identities.

Yeah, the list DOES go on and on, doesn’t it?

And do you know what’s the worst of it?

Kenju named the whole effect after ME!! That means that my house will become the focal point for all the systems and “inanimate objects” that are part of this conspiracy. And as you know (again if you’ve been reading here for a while), the house itself (foundation, walls, ceilings, wiring—hell, even the grounds outside!) is part of this thing.

So I’m expecting a series of “events” that will appear to be random and accidental, but that will, in short order, bankrupt me. And all because I tried to warn everyone, but then managed to minimize the damages by denying everything and keeping quiet about it.

I was going to warn her to take that post down, but the damage is indeed done. Don't believe me? Hey, just go read the comments from HER readers! You'll see!


Oh, well. At least I’m now guaranteed immortality. Now that the whole theory has been again exposed and even named after me, I’m sure I will be cursed forever by its victims.

So dear readers, since the damage has already been done, the proverbial cat is well out of the bag, the lid is off, the bucket has been kicked, the can of worms has been opened and eaten (did I mix any metaphors there?)... you can go ahead and blog about it again.

Now, where DID I put my meds...


kenju said...

John, you are too funny for words! I love this post, and if any of it comes true, I deny any previous knowledge of it!

Anonymous said...

Oh, man, you are soooo screwed!!! She really put a target on you. Oh wait! I read this blog and Judy's - that means my computer knows...

gotta go

the many Bs said...

Hey, I'm not afraid. The worst has already happened to me when my car died. There's nothing left to go.

You, on the other hand should be very afraid.

Bill said...

Could be worse... could be some sort of infectious disease that has no cure and makes everyone act like Jerry Lewis or something. Stay strong, Brother!

Anonymous said...

Not to worry, I Go*gled the electronic domino theory and you don't feature on page 1 and therefore you are relatively safe. Appliances, or so I hear, have no patience go*gling past the first page and so I doubt they would hear of what Kenju has written. But just in case, let Carol be Chief Appliance Operator until you feel it's safe again.

kenju said...

Michelle - too funny! I will keep it in mind, that if googling it doesn't get onto the first page - we're home free........LOL

Anonymous said...

it happens just like that though! With everything.

Karyn Lyndon said...

Couldn't Kenju have at least waited to expose the theory until I sold my house???

Candace said...

Tomcat just left, on his day off, to go fix a plumbing problem at thre renthouse. Thanks a lot.