Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Speaking of Priorities...

Today is Wednesday. On Friday I will have been terminated by my current employer and hired by my new one. Well, me and 80 others.

We have benefits enrollment meetings scheduled for tomorrow and Friday to ensure no one has a lapse in their health, life and AD&D insurance coverage. Arrangements are in place to begin a new payroll service immediately when the old one stops.

Those are my first priorities—making sure everyone has continuous benefits, and that they get paid on time.

Everything has been done on a last-minute basis. I don’t even have benefit plan booklets yet, but they ought to be arriving by tomorrow morning. Insurance ID cards are the next necessity. I’m having all employees fill out new W-4 forms and payroll direct deposit authorizations.

What have I forgotten? Probably about 20 things. My hope is that as they become apparent we can scramble and get them accomplished before anyone is negatively impacted.

I envision a discussion like the following:

Lawyer: “Isn’t it true, Mr. Earle, that you were the person responsible for arranging your employees’ benefits?”

Me: “Uh, yes, but...”

Lawyer: “And didn’t you tell all the employees in the preliminary meetings that there would be no gaps in coverage?”

Me: “Well, yes, but I...”

Lawyer: “So, Mr. Earle, please explain to the Widow Jones why there is no Life Insurance benefit on her poor dead husband, who was tragically struck down by a giant hailstone just minutes after his coverage under the former employer ended. Well, Mr. Earle, we’re waiting!”

Me (sweat pouring off my face): “But I arranged everything... Except for one little detail, and...”

Lawyer (pointing his finger at me): “YOU forgot, didn’t you. YOU knew that Acts of God were supposed to be covered, but YOU didn’t make sure, DID YOU?

In my imagination the scene goes on and on, with the result that the whole company goes bankrupt and everybody loses their jobs because I didn’t do mine adequately.

Does anybody else have insecurities like this?


Candace said...

Me? Insecurities? Never! Ever. No no no no no no! (Uh, you knew that was satire, right?)

Karyn Lyndon said...

A scene plays out in my head all the time like that except I'm naked and I can't remember my locker number.

Monica said...

Poor Duke of Earle! Oh my, and you know, with hurricanes and tsunamis and meteors and all....that's just the tip of the iceberg! Wait--the iceberg that sank the Titanic! Was that an act of God?