Monday, April 18, 2005

The Toilet's Revenge, Part II

The comments below were made in reference to my post of April 9, “The Toilet’s Revenge.”

Michelle said...

Duke - I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My walls talk to me all the time. In fact I talk to me all the time and the most frightening thing is, I answer myself. And in case you were not aware, I have heard via the pipeline, that my dishwasher is communicating with your garden tap.

Michelle said...

I think your writing is good and I should know, I am a goddess *grin*.

Others of you made somewhat disparaging remarks about my assertion that my plumbing fixtures and other apparent (to you) inanimate objects do, in fact, communicate.

Please note that the goddess above not only confirmed my knowledge of the aforementioned communication, but passed on to me some very specific intelligence concerning my garden tap.

WELL! I think you should know what happened a few days ago.

Carol was using the garden hose attached to the tap on the back of my house. She had pulled the business end of the hose around a corner, and had a pistol-grip nozzle on it to control the spray. After a short period of use she walked around the corner and approached the tap to turn off the water. She was greeted by a fountain.

The hose had swelled and split open not far from the tap. Water was spraying on the patio and surrounding area. No, it didn’t cause any damage. This entire area is outside and open to the weather. But had she NOT walked back to turn off the tap and simply left the hose lying there it could have wasted thousands of gallons of water and caused a mess

Can there be any doubt that this is what Michelle heard whispered by her dishwasher? I’d say she’s both a goddess and a prophetess. And you had the NERVE to scoff! (Sniff).

Btw, I just had the chance to help my daughter Elizabeth and her husband fix a leaking toilet in their upstairs bathroom. (New wax rings, for all you toilet repair enthusiasts. Always use TWO wax rings. One is not enough in most cases, although the home improvement store plumbing experts will tell you otherwise. Trust me!) When I left there was no evidence of leakage.

But I warned them. You can’t be too vigilant when dealing with toilets. It must be a characteristic of the breed, because no other plumbing fixture seems so perverse. If they gloat even a little, they’ll suffer their own version of “Toilet’s Revenge.”

So stand by for part III. It hasn’t happened yet, but it will. Someday. Trust me on that, too.

P. S. Michelle? Be vigilant. I think my microwave was sending signals to your clothes dryer. Even a goddess can get distracted from time to time. You might have missed the continuing conspiracy.


Karyn Lyndon said...

I've added your blog to my writer's "web". Thanks for adding me to yours. There's a note for you over there.

Candace said...

Whoa. Garden tap fu. I don't know what to say. I abase myself.

Anonymous said...

LOL - I have not laughed so much in a long time (not what happened to Carol obviously). Sorry about the tap, I knew it was coming but just did not when and could not warn you in time *wink*. As for my clothes dryer - I will be checking it when I get home from work. Thanks for the warning *grin*. I heard some mumblings from the vacuum cleaner and I think I should take heed of what she was saying.

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