Ooooo... Another Conspiracy? How Odorific!

Karyn (who, btw, has missed another golden opportunity for a Freaky Friday post... What opportunity, you ask? Well, yesterday WAS a Friday, in case you didn’t notice! Duh.) Anyway, Karyn has pointed out that all of us writing about birds flocking and pooping sounds like another conspiracy.

And yes, the word I used above was “FLOCKing,” in case you were reading quickly and just assumed something else. Which reminds me of the line Mel Gibson used in one of the “Lethal Weapon” movies: “Let’s make like shepherds and get the flock out of here.” But I digress.

I wonder if the geese and the grackles... and maybe even Michelle’s South African penguins, are all conspiring on a global scale to poop us people out of existence. Well, hey; they MIGHT be, y’know.

After all, we humans seem to have a fascination with animal defecation.

What am I talking about? Well, one of the most frequently heard expressions around my office is “bullsh*t.” Usually it’s spoken emphatically, as with an exclamation point behind it, and its use seems to be evenly split between management and rank and file workers.

(Reminds me; given the choice, I’d rather be the file. I mean, even though a file can be hard and abrasive, who wants to be described as “rank?” But I guess we ARE speaking of fecundity here, aren’t we?)

A secondary term with very similar connotation among the workforce is “horsesh*t.” However, I’m told that term is in more common usage up in Kentucky than down here in Texas.

Next we have “chicksh*t,” which is a very pure form of guano. This term is more often used by those who are NOT in management, but spoken in reference TO managers. Why chickens are awarded the honor of having THEIR guano held up as an example of something really petty and nasty has never been clear to me. I mean, what differentiates a chicken’s guano from, say, that of the geese we were all talking about in yesterday’s post and comments? Why isn’t something really petty and nasty referred to as “goosesh*t?” Or maybe “gracklesh*t?”

Ah, the mysteries of language.

But back to the conspiracy theory. As Christina pointed out, there was a classic Hitchcock movie about the birds attacking the people. It COULD happen. Just like all the pseudo-science we hear today about humanity-ending disasters caused by global warming, the stopping or reversal of ocean currents, or earth’s collision with a giant space rock or comet.

I’m not saying these things couldn’t happen. They MIGHT! But my opinion is (and it may be chickensh*t to say this) that it’s all bullsh*t. Or, if you live in Kentucky, horsesh*t.”

But then, I’m often accused of being full of sh*t, so what do I know?