Monday, September 25, 2006

FINALLY!

I thought my turn would NEVER come! But now it has.

WOO-HOO!

“We’re in the money. We’re in the money.” (Sing it with me!)

I’ve just been notified that, like many others of you, I’m a winner in a Spanish Lottery.

What? You don’t believe me? Well here’s the proof:

Dear duke.earle,
Sequel to the lottery draw of the above named establishment in europe,conducted on the 11th of September 2006.I am glad to notify you that your e-mail address attached to ticket No ;541 37190162 516 won in the second category a lump-sum of Eight hundred and sixty thousand seven hundred and fifty euro(EUR860,750.00).Congratulations and be advised to keep confidential till your prize is processed to avoid multiple applications/filings.All participants were selected randomly by a computer software ballot device.This promotion is sponsored by a group of corporate establishments and accedited charitable organisations in Europe.Be informed that a minimum of 10% of your prize must be donated to a remarkable charity organisation in your locality.To file for your claim,please contact your fiducial agent;*********************************************Mr. Raul Mendoza(e-
mail:raul20mendoza@yahoo.es)*********************************************Congratulations once more,Sincerely yours'Dr. Antonia AsunNB;Kindly state your credit file number when contacting the fiducial agent for your claim.

I mean, isn’t that exciting? You can bet that I’ll be in touch with Mr. Mendoza post haste to file my claim and arrange to pay whatever taxes and fees that surely must be due before they’d release all those hundreds of thousands of Euros.

Oh, and I’ll have to name my charity of course. You know, the one that has to receive 10% of the winnings. But hey, what’s a paltry 10%, right?

Funny... I don’t even remember entering. But apparently that doesn’t matter since “All participants were selected randomly by a computer software ballot device.” I must be a participant, or I wouldn’t have been selected.

Another thing... You’d think that a big lottery organization like this wouldn’t send out an email with so many typos and punctuation mistakes, wouldn’t you? But then, this came from Spain. Maybe in the translation to English some of those errors crept in.

But why should I question this? This prize is a lot of money! I might retire. In fact, I think I will. I’ll just tell my boss today to “take this job and shove it,” and wait for my riches to swell my bank account.

Oh, that’s another point. I’ll probably have to forward my banking and account information to them so they can transfer the funds directly to me.

Wow! This is great! I think that (after I quit my job) I’ll run down to the dealer and buy that big new SUV I’ve been dreaming about. I can finance it for maybe one year, ’cause I’ll have plenty to pay it off in a month or two.

But don’t worry, blog friends. I’ll never let all these riches go to my head. I know you’re all VERY happy for me.

Gee, another coincidence I just noticed. The winning drawing was held on Sept. 11. That’s 9/11. Funny that such a wonderful thing would happen on the anniversary of a despicable, horrible tragedy.

Huh. How about that?

9 comments:

r.e.wolf said...

Yeah, well, I volunteer to be your charity!

kenju said...

NO, I wanna' be your charity!! I promise to give you some when I win.

Candace said...

Eight hundred thousand? Pah! Hold out for a million Euros.

Duke_of_Earle said...

Sorry, r.e., I read your comment and thought, "Why not?" But then Kenju made me a better offer. Want to up the bidding?

John

Valkyrie said...

Oh yeah that Spanish lottery...yeah I won that one too a while back. Bizarrely, in reality I do play the 'Eurolottery' which includes the Spanish lottery, so I believed the letter too - for about 5 seconds longer than most people. The clincher for me, was the really official looking YAHOO email address they used...***ssnnnnorrrffff***

Michelle said...

ROFL. I liked the bit where you said you would tell your boss to “take this job and shove it".

Duke_of_Earle said...

Michelle,

Yeah. Somebody ought to write a country song with that title, don'tcha think?

John

robotJAM said...

Duke,

You want to reply to this, I had a great month winding mine up.

eg.

Dear Raul,

I will be coming personally to pick up the money on the 23rd of July.
I will be arriving at the airport 19.20 on the Lufthansa 4901.

Will you meet me at the Madrid airport ? If so how will I recognise you ?

Regards,

Rob.

Then you send an email saying that you won't be able to make it personally as you are now in prison for GBH but will be sending associates.

I have never had another of these emails.

robotjam said...

P.S Duke can I buy that plot of land ?