Wednesday, January 10, 2007

“All My Children”

That will be the title of my next book.

It will be non-fiction, and subtitled, “Memoirs of a Retired Human Resources Manager.” I’ll have to get on a speakers’ list and start touring various chapters of H.R. Associations so I’ll have a “platform” to convince publishers to print my book. After I retire, of course.

What brought this on, you ask?

Well, the title refers to the “human resources” I try to “manage.” I can’t go into any current situations because some people from the plant read this blog, and I’d be in violation of confidentiality or expectation of privacy issues. But I can give you examples of earlier adventures in the kindergarten I call my workplace.

How about if I start with graffiti? Oh, I don’t mean just the normal stuff like pictures on restroom walls, or “Cowboys Rule,” or “Managers Suck.” I’m talking about ugly stuff about employees. You know, accusations that somebody’s gay or a pervert. Ethnic slurs. Things like “John the Faggot.” Or “Wetback Juan.” The kind of stuff I used to see when I was in what they now call Middle School (Junior High to me). The stuff that today could form the basis for a hostile work environment claim and a lawsuit for harassment.

Then there have been the cliques, and the jealousies they cause.

There’s the juvenile insensitivity to another’s pain manifested in attempts at jokes about things that aren’t funny. Like an employee’s pending divorce that turned ugly. Or an employee’s family member’s problems with alcoholism.

How can people joke about these things in front of the affected person?

Oh yes, the book will have sex. From unfounded accusations of sexual harassment made in a state of jealousy or from a desire for revenge, to actual cases of quid pro quo demands for sexual favors in return for favored treatment.

It’s all there, and I’ve seen most of it. Even though we only have about 100 employees here, and we’re located in rural Texas.

But then, I guess few would buy the book. If you’ve been in the workplace you’ve probably already seen most of these things going on, or at least heard about them before.

It all makes me want to tell some of my human resources, “Children, grow up!”


kenju said...

All that is one good reason for me to cheer that I have been mostly self-employed for 25 years!

Karyn Lyndon said...

I think it sounds like a really good idea.

Emmy Ellis said...



Anonymous said...

I think people WOULD buy the book!!!

It's like the Reality TV phenom -- people love to peep into others' lives & watch their shenanigans . . .

Anonymous said...

Is it me or is the term "human resources" kind of creepy.

It makes me think that they are using Humans for some sort of experiment.

And who are they anyway ?

I'm not a human resource I am a free man.

Well except between 9-5.

Christina said...

Some of that reminds me of my workplace, except where I work, position and maturity are inversely related - the higher in the company, the more juvenile they act, all the way up to the CEO. (Dad, you know exactly which 2 top dogs at my company I'm talking about)

Anonymous said...

It might make a good read, but no one wants to read a story with characters that describe themselves. They would go into denial. Now if you could make it a documentary and name names...guess not. You don't want to get sued.

Candace said...

For some reason, John, I have to use a Blogger login as opposed to the new beta blogger to leave a post on your blog, at least on some computers. Sigh. So once again I'm having to borrow Scruffybutt's ID.

Anyway, I agree with Kirsten - people would love to read a book like this. And the title's great, too.


Anonymous said...

I'm still waiting in line for the novel so sign me up for this one, too. :)

It's not letting me sign in under my blog so it's me, Monica.