Friday, August 19, 2005

The conspiracy deepens...

While browsing my blogroll yesterday, I found a post by kenju in which she describes a pretty nasty refrigerator repair job.

The hairs on the back of my neck rose.

Some of you (wonderful) regular readers may not remember, but several months ago I detailed a growing conspiracy within my home among the various plumbing fixtures and appliances.

Yes, I said conspiracy! How else can you explain the “seeming” random series of leaks, spread out among a toilet in one bathroom, a lavatory supply line in the other bathroom, and the outside garden hose? In the midst of these, there were also failures of appliances from my washing machine all the way down to a safe, reliable toaster!

(I even began to hear the house clicking and groaning at night in a clear attempt to help these various so-called “inanimate” objects communicate!)

How do you explain that?

Paranoia? NO! My doctor has me on meds for that, so that’s not it!

Coincidence, you say? Ha! You probably also believe in the tooth fairy!

After I had faithfully chronicled these occurrences and pointed out the obvious conspiracy (no other word seems adequate), several of you detailed similar stories of your own. Thus validating my research and conclusions!

So, after reading kenju’s post, I felt duty-bound to warn her. I did so in a comment, reproduced here for you to read:

Uh oh.

Judy, you've just hit one of my "hot buttons."

The fridge repair you speak of will almost certainly lead to plumbing problems and other electric appliances malfunctioning. It's a conspiracy well known to my faithful readers. I described my own experiences in postings of several months ago, and my readers have weighed in with their own. Suffice to say that once it starts, the plumbing and wiring and appliances will work together against you to make your life Hell.

You'll see! Sorry.


Now, wasn’t that the right thing to do? Not that there’s anything she can do about it. But at least she’ll know it’s coming! (I wonder if anyone has tried exorcism...?)

For any of you who may still possess lingering doubts on this issue, let me show you kenju’s response to my comment. She replies:

John, it has already started. First the water holding tank (we're on a well) burst and then 3 days later, a pipe burst under the house and flooded the crawl space for the second time in a week. The next day the fridge started peeing all over the kitchen floor and one of our toilets doesn't want to flush properly. The last time we had a driving rainstorm, the ceiling leaked in our master bathroom (around the sky-light), and I had to go on Lasix for my own ‘water problems.’

The oddest thing is: last week I read an on-line astrology site I check every month and it said that the planet Neptune (the water planet) is in my "house of home" for the next two years - so I should expect water problems in my house. Now they tell me!

Well, there you are!

Poor girl—in her state of stress she has fallen back on believing that the stars might have had something to do with all of this. How na├»ve to believe astrologers!

I mean, I knew it was going to happen to her without consulting the astrological charts. That was an easy, obvious prediction to make, once you understand the conspiracy and how pervasive it is.

I’m sure that I will now be besieged by another round of these leaks and failures, all because I’m trying to be diligent and warn the world.

Ah, the price we pay when we try to inform an unsuspecting public.


kenju said...

Tooooo funny, John! I am just trying to put a face on the problem; someplace I can direct my anger and frustration since it neeeeeeeeds direction - otherwise I might take it out on my husband (who in this one instance at least, is blameless). So you see, the astrologer serves a great purpose with this particular situation. And who knows? There may be something to it after all.

kenju said...

I forgot to say thanks for the referral - so THANKS!!

Anonymous said...

You better be careful...once the toilet gets involved things can get scary. I am still trying to figure out which one is the mastermind behind all this. Oh shit, my computer is right next to the fridge. I gotta go. paranoia genetic?...

Karyn Lyndon said...

After 28 years of loyal service my toaster went out. Conspiracy? Maybe. But now I can fianlly get one that hold 4 slices of bread and toasts bagels!

Dawn said...

You are so right!!! And I am in Texas, too btw.

Here is what I just posted over at kenju. Before I even read your dire warnings.

The appliances across the country are apparently going on some sort of strike.

My Fridge was freezing my food in the refrig section. Ever try to eat a frozen apple? Then it started squeeking. That lasted for awhile. It finally died last Sunday.

It now resides in the front yard while garage fridge now lives in the kitchen. My kiddo wants to enter our yard in the yard of the month club for Redneck TV.

Plumber was able to repair leaking shower faucet without having to tear a hole in the wall. Thankfully he was able to get the handle off. Toilet fixed as well. To fix this one thing on the toilet he actually used a wire coat hanger. The only one I had in the house. I had to remove my wedding shower bows(from 20 years ago).

Then we were off to look under the kitchen sink as Dishwasher wouldn't drain since the last time Plumber was here (different plumber, same company) to replace the p-trap because we broke it trying to unclog the drain...

Anyway dishwasher worked great up until we unclogged the drain... after that it dumped water on the floor. So now 2 months later the stupid dishwasher won't even dump water on the floor. The pump is out.

I hate washing dishes.

It's a conspiracy!!

the many Bs said...

Good comment by Christina. I have experience in the conspiracy of the kitchen appliances. All of mine got together and pooped and peed and fizzled and farted at the same time. Much to YOUR surprise, the refrigerator was the only one who held steady and did not die. Now, who's in charge?

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Peg. now shhhhh... i believe it may be the toilet...seems like that's where it all started...

the many Bs said...

You know, I had a little problem with my toilet at about the same time. It was the upstairs toilet and the appliances are downstairs so I never made the connection until now... I think you're on to something here....

Anonymous said...

Oh no, you went and did it. You went and posted about your conspiracy. Over the last two weeks, my one toilet has been blocking on and off. One night I wondered whether you were having problems but I did not DARE mention anything in case I preempted something like the last time. Now I am tip toeing around the house in case I awaken a sleeping giant. *lol*

Have a fun-filled weekend.

Nic said...

The "appliance chatter" reminds me of an article I read one time of someone who lived "off the grid". He said that at the end of every night all he had to do to turn off the electricity completely (solar powered electricity) was to flip a switch and it shut everything down. He listened for the end of the clicking as it shut everything down and then went silent. Said that's how he knew all the kids were in bed b/c it was completely and totally silent without all the "communication" between the appliances to disrupt the quietness.

Wacky as it sounds sometimes I wouldn't mind living off the grid b/c things would be so much less uncomplicated then, but then I stop and think - eh, I like my conveniences too much. LOL.