Monday, August 22, 2005

Is it possible...

...that the plumbing/appliance/house-structure conspiracy extends to our vehicles as well?

By now, I think we ALL know that the household plumbing fixtures and various appliances often conspire to fail in a sometimes spectacular series designed to empty our bank accounts.

If you’re not convinced, read some of the earlier posts and comments on this blog for confirmation. Or, just think about it. How often have you had a leaky faucet or toilet that wasn’t followed up in short order by a failed refrigerator or washing machine? And usually that failure was followed up by a short in your microwave or burned out light bulbs. Right?

You see? That’s the way these things happen. Often your house itself will get involved with roof problems, cracked wallboard, sticking doors or frozen windows.

Well, now I’ve come to believe that our van and my little Japanese commute car are somehow tied in with the others.

How do they communicate? Well, DUH. Think about it. Most all of our vehicles have a radio, don’t they? And in our house we have a TV and maybe other radios, right? So even though there’s no direct plumbing or electrical connection, the house wiring and appliances can send signals through the TV to the car radios! It’s obvious once you put it all together.

Why do I believe this is happening? Well, RIGHT AFTER I went through my spate of leaks and failures both inside and outside my home, the vehicles began to cost me extra money. Our van suddenly decided to get very poor gas mileage and need a tune-up. The Mazda then suffered a cracked windshield. Then the van outside mirrors very mysteriously began to get loose all by themselves and blow inward as we’re driving along.

I fixed all those things, and now the Mazda has started burning oil, and the van is overheating.

OK, maybe the fact that the Hades index in Victoria has been well over 100% lately has something to do with it, but we’ve had hot weather before and this hasn’t happened.

Oh, and one of the van’s nearly new tires lost a small piece of the tread about the size of a book of matches, causing a vibration at about 60 mph. The tire store said it looked like we ran over something sharp the cut the tread just slightly so that one piece came off.

So, I believe that the evidence is clear. I’m wondering just how far all this will spread.

Do you think our clothing hanging in the closet will start to develop tears and holes? Maybe the grass and trees and shrubs outside will begin to die off. Once you realize how pervasive all this is, it just boggles your mind.

I would type some more on this topic, but I have to go now. I think I forgot to take my anti-paranoia pill this morning.

Or maybe the kitchen sink swallowed my Prozac.


Karyn Lyndon said...

I think I've heard about this conspiracy before. It's called "Something around the House Invariably Terrible" happens A.K.A. S.H.I.T. Happens.

kenju said...

Oh, Lord, I surely hope not because I cannot afford another problem right now. Our bank account was levelled with all we had to take care of in July and Aug.!

the many Bs said...

I'm not going to let my car read this blog. It's running just fine, thank you, but has to go in on Friday for it's emissions test for license renewal. If anything is wrong with my car on Friday, I'm blaming YOU!

But now I'm wondering if somehow the animals could be connected to this. They drained all of the reserves that I had in my bank account about a month back with their various emergency vet expenses. Birds and dogs. How do you think that they got in on it?

Anonymous said...

Great. This is not very encouraging. My fridge must have overheard me after all, but since I rent my house and do not own any of the major appliances, they went straight to the vehicles. I have one that is overheating and brakes are acting up, even thoughI just put 4 new tires on it. And the transmission in the other started acting funny just this weekend.

I don't think they appreciate your exposing their deep dark conspiracy to the rest of the world (or at least the 2 or 3 of us that read this)! Now that we are onto them, they don't have to be subtle anymore. In fact, the computers are probably in on it too. Uh oh, I've said too much... goota go.

the many Bs said...

NO! Not the computers! Not That!

John, I wanted you to know that I took your advice. You had better check out my post from Monday night.