Monday, March 06, 2006

Attitude (Reprise)

A few posts ago, Jennifer commented (about my refusal to accept rejection as personal), “I think your perspective here is a brilliant one, and you are quite lucky to own it. What seems a cruel world really is as you've laid it out here. It's NOT personal. But dang if it isn't hard to remember that sometimes. Keep the faith, man. Your attitude is golden.”

Jennifer is one of my favorite daily reads in the blogosphere. She tends toward introspection (as I sometimes do), but her take on events in her life is described in a matter-of-fact and brutally honest form.

Last June I wrote a post on “Attitude” (which is why I put “Reprise” in today’s title). And Jennifer commented on THAT one, too. In it I made the point that we each can choose our own attitude, and I just prefer to be positive about most things.

People ask if my glass is half full or half empty. I tell them, “Neither. My glass is always at LEAST ¾ full.”

“Oh, but you’re just being a Pollyanna!” “Yeah! A REALIST would admit that life often sucks, and you gotta take the bad with the good.”

I hear those comments. And I reply, “Bullshit.”

(Preachy post warning!)

People who feel that way often end up with a “victim” mentality. Nothing that happens to them is their fault, they have no control over the random events that life throws at them, and they should be pitied and helped.

Well, okay, sometimes life DOES throw random events at us and we can’t control all aspects of them. My philosophy is, don’t fret over what you can’t control. But control what you CAN. And one of the things you CAN control is your attitude towards, and your reaction to, those events.

You can lament and bitch and moan and complain about how bad life is and what a victim you are. OR, you can say, “Well, THAT sucked. I hope I can avoid anything like THAT in the future.” And then you can focus on ways to avoid that in the future!

People say, “Those people look down on me and treat me like I’m nothing.” Who are “THOSE PEOPLE?” Do they matter? To Whom? Why do they matter to you? People are going to think what they think, and you can’t change them. Just convince yourself that they’re WRONG, and what they think doesn’t change the FACT that you’re not so bad! To HELL with “those people!”

If you don’t like the way things are under the circumstances, climb OUT from under those circumstances and change some of them!

End of preaching. For now.

Oh... Well, on further thought... I WILL admit that there is ONE thing that truly victimizes us. And that we have NO control over.

And that ONE thing is the CONSPIRACY I keep writing about!

But don’t bemoan it. Keep fighting against it. It’s the only chance we have!


Shesawriter said...

I try not to take rejection personally, but it's easier said than done.


Duke_of_Earle said...

Yeah, I sure agree with THAT. I didn't say it was easy, much less automatic. I get discouraged too, but usually only briefly.

Remember, the kind of rejection we get from both agents and even (if we get that far, and I have) publishers, is based on THEIR perception of the current market. Period. You and I have both read TRASH that was commercially published. Our stuff is better than that.

I just refuse (bullheaded, I am) to let someone else define my worth! (So THERE!)


Nankin said...

About being a took me a long time to learn that I had a choice whether to be a victim or not. And the choice was mine. Fortunately, or unforthunately that's when my marriage fell apart.

Anonymous said...

You are dead righ here duke, I actually think rejection sometimes is a good thing. Often when submitting artwork to clients I actually prefer it when they really give me some critism. Sometimes they are being awkward but if I actually listen most of the time it makes what I've done better.

Also people should definately take some responsibility for their own actions. At the end of the day generally you've only got yourself to blame.

Excpet of course for all the conspiracy theories and government plots.

kenju said...

AMEN, up until the conspiracy part. I do think we have to pretend not to care about that - and then maybe they'll go pick on someone else for a change!

I love Jennifer too.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes it is hard to put into practice, the things we know we should do, especially when the female hormones are on a rampage. I've seen real postive women crumble, though for a brief moment, because of their hormones. Like you, the key is not to dwell on anything for long and to pick yourself and push on forward with a positive attitude.

Duke_of_Earle said...


I bow to your superior knowledge of rampaging hormones. I admit I did not consider that aspect of "attitude."