I TOLD you it was spring in South Texas. Carol and I and our good friend and golfing buddy I’ll call Naomi (which is a biblical reference to her real name — think Naomi’s daughter-in-law... who married Boaz... Oh, go look it up!).
Anyway, out on the public course we always play in Victoria (it’s called Riverside, for an obvious reason) are a couple of restrooms. No, not just inside the clubhouse. There are two fairly nice little buildings out on the course with both a “Men’s” and a “Ladies’” room in each.
Now a lot more men than ladies play golf on any given day, so one typical “problem” (to some) is that often the men will use BOTH sides of the restroom facility. This would be okay if they’d also us a little common courtesy and: 1) clean up after themselves, and 2) put the seat down.
But that’s not today’s topic.
No, today’s topic is toilet tissue.
If you don’t remember (or didn’t know), toilet paper is an area of particular interest and expertise to me. I (ahem) remain the only Olympic Gold Medal winner (and thus I am the current Undefeated Reigning Champion) in the sport of toilet paper unrolling!
Do I detect a hint of doubt in your mind? I have several copies of a Newsweek Magazine article to prove it! And if you would like more on this story (along with pictures!) please see the following posts from several months ago: FIRST, then SECOND, then THIRD.
HA! See? I told you!
Okay, back to my story. Carol and Naomi went into the ladies’ room in one of these outbuildings. When they emerged, Naomi took out her wireless phone and punched Directory – R for Riverside. The following conversation ensued:
“Yes, I’m calling to report that the ladies’ rest room out on the White Nine by hole number four is out of toilet tissue. I wonder if you could bring some out, please.”
“Well, yes, I can come out there in a little while, but it may take me some time.”
“Okay, then. That’ll be fine. Thank you.”
What? You don’t think there’s anything wrong with that? Well you’re right. But a minute later Naomi’s phone rang. She answered it to learn it was a call from her good friend Robert F. who works part time at the local bowling lanes. Robert was laughing so hard he could hardly talk.
He wanted to know why Naomi thought HE ought to bring toilet tissue to the ladies’ restroom out on the golf course? She didn’t understand for a second, and then she blurted, “I THOUGHT that sounded like you on the phone, but I thought I’d called Riverside!”
Then the two of them were laughing so hard neither one could talk for a minute. Finally Naomi told him in as stern a voice as she could muster between giggles, “Robert, if you EVER tell ANYONE about this, I’ll CHOKE you!”
She figures that when she hit the Directory – R, she must have somehow bumped the “scroll down” button once before hitting “dial,” since Robert’s was the next name in the directory.
I told Naomi that by this evening the whole story will likely be posted in the lobby of the bowling lanes where many of her friends bowl.
But she got even with me. The last hole we played today was a par 5. I was pleased and excited to get a par on that hole. Naomi hit a booming drive, a 3-wood second shot that rolled up onto the green and stopped two feet from the cup!
We MADE her put that shot (although usually in our friendly round a short putt like that is considered a “gimme.” She rammed it home for an eagle 3! (Carol made a birdie 4). My par looked pretty pathetic in contrast!