Thursday, March 09, 2006

What men really mean

Carol saw this in an email once and thought it was funny.

I don’t know why.

She then told me that the fact that I don’t think it’s funny makes it even funnier. Since I’m now totally baffled, I’ll let you decide.

“I’m going fishing.”
Really means: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

“It’s a guy thing.”
Really means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

“Can I help with dinner?”
Really means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

“Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.”
Really means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

“It would take too long to explain.”
Really means: “I have no idea how it works.”

“We’re going to be late.”
Really means: “Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”

“I was listening to you. It’s just that I have things on my mind.”
Really means: “I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra.”

“Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.”
Really means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

“That’s interesting, dear.”
Really means: “Are you still talking?”

“It’s a really good movie.”
Really means: “It’s got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women.”

“That’s women’s work.”
Really means: “It’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.”

“You know how bad my memory is.”
Really means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

“I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses.”
Really means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”

“Oh, don’t fuss. I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.”
Really means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt.”

“Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing.”
Really means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

(This one is Carol’s favorite. ?? Go figure.)
“I can’t find it.”
Really means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

“What did I do this time?”
Really means: “What did you catch me at?”

“I heard you.”
Really means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

“You know I could never love anyone else.”
Really means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”

“You look terrific.”
Really means: “Oh, God, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”

“I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.”
Really means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

“We share the housework.”
Really means: “I make the messes, she cleans them up.”


Karyn Lyndon said...

That was interesting, dear.

kenju said...

I agree with Carol. I learned early on in my marriage that I could not send mr. kenju to the store and expect to get everything on the list. The store was always "out" of something. I could go to the same store 20 minutes after he did and I would be able to get everything on the list. So, if it didn't fall of the shelf into his hands - they were "out" of it....LOL

Shesawriter said...

OMG! That's exactly the crap my husband spouts to me and I've learned to read between the lines. LOL!


Candace said...

Thanks, Carol!

Kirsten said...

These are priceless!!!

Christina said...

Too Funny!

My husband has been home and called me at work to ask where something is because he "can't find it". 9 out of 10 times this is because it was put away where it belongs, not just laying on the table in plain view. And, he has admitted that he doesn't look for things - if he doesn't see it, he "can't find it", but he expects me to just know where everything is, even if I'm somewhere else.