Thanks for the TAG. (I think.)

Chenoah tagged me for this game that she and others refer to as a meme.

What the heck is that?

I’m an English major and I didn’t know, so I did what everybody does these days—I Googled it. The first link was to http://www.memecentral.com/. I was informed that, “Memes are contagious ideas, all competing for a share of our mind in a kind of Darwinian selection. As memes evolve, they become better and better at distracting and diverting us from whatever we'd really like to be doing with our lives. They are a kind of Drug of the Mind. Confused? Blame it on memes.”

Hey, works for me! Since I’m frequently confused, I now have something I can blame it on. Trouble is, I don’t know how to pronounce it. Is it “Mee-Mee,” or “May-May,” or maybe “MEEM?” How about “Mem-mee?”

Whatever! That web site even talks about “memetics.” Going through the pronunciation possibilities of that word gives me a headache.

The instructions are: “You choose three (or five) things from the list below and finish the sentence or the thought. Then you tag three other bloggers and the thing propagates.”

If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a painter
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a psychologist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an inn-keeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama-rider
If I could be a bonnie pirate
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a back-up dancer
If I could be a midget stripper
If I could be a proctologist
If I could be a TV talk show host
If I could be an actor
If I could be a Jedi
If I could be a mob boss
If I could be a back-up singer
If I could be a CEO
If I could be a movie reviewer
If I could be an astronaut
If I could be a world famous blogger
If I could be a justice on any court in the world
If I could be any current famous political figure (or married to one)

Gee. Okay. Hmmm.

I guess I’ll start with:

If I could be a linguist, I guess I’d be pasta.

No, wait! That’s “linguini.” A linguist is somebody who talks a lot, right? I’m already one of those. (Is “linguini” the plural of “linguist”?)

Maybe I ought to say, “If I weren’t a linguist, I wouldn’t talk so much. In any language. Especially Italian, since I don’t even know if ‘linguini’ is an Italian word, but it sounds like it.” Or maybe...

Oh, skip it. I’m going on to the next one.

If I could be a bonnie pirate, I guess I’d be out on the ocean stopping ships and trying to rob them of “bonnies.” Whatever those are. I need to Google that word too.

(This meme is hard! But I’ll do ONE more, just because Chenoah asked me so nicely.)

Hmmmm... OK, this one should be pretty easy.

If I could be a professor, I’d profess a lot. Most likely I’d pontificate as well. And I’d give a lot of my students Cs and Ds, because that’s what my professors always liked to give. I’d definitely publish something erudite and gain tenure and then I could profess and pontificate about a lot of politically incorrect stuff and not get fired. That sounds like fun.

I’d also get together with other professors and we’d profess and pontificate together. We’d talk so much, people would think we were all linguini.

Except I don’t even look Italian, much less sound like one.

There! That wasn’t so hard, now that I’m finished.

That last one got me to thinking—(a stretch, I know)—if “pro” is the opposite of “con,” is “profess” the opposite of “confess?” So then, if a con artist were a pro but got arrested anyway, would he profess or confess? Or keep silent and plead the Fifth Amendment?

If I could be a justice on any court in the world, maybe I’d decide sticky issues like that one.

ENOUGH.

I hereby tag Tina, and Viki, and Karyn. Get after it, gals! Tina, that means you HAVE to do another blog post after all these months. Heck, if you don’t like those particular “If I could be a...” items, make up some of your own.

Like the Nike commercials used to say, “Just do it!” Ignore Nancy Reagan’s old refrain of “Just say No.”

I’m getting confused by all this. There must be a meme nearby.