Friday, March 03, 2006

Soft enough yet?

I fear the “softening up period” may be over. For some of us, at least.

But maybe not! Allow me to explain...

It was about a year ago when I began documenting stories of appliance and plumbing problem that seemed too sequential and too conniving to be simply random failures.

You know about my recent van transmission failure, and that afterwards that same van began to make the most God-awful noises that sounded like ball joints or other front-suspension components that were failing, right? And you know that it turned out to be nothing more than a loose dipstick? (Yes, dipstick. I KNOW that sounds like a joke, but it's not.)

Then I documented Christina’s seemingly MAJOR computer malfunction, which later corrected itself. Remember that?

Those instances convinced me that the conspiracy was just softening us up, pretending to inflict us with serious, expensive problems, but then allowing them to “go away” with no expense. Thus we’d be lulled into that famous “false sense of security.”

Well, last week I ordered an external computer hard drive from They sent me the wrong item! No problem, right? I had plenty of documentation about what I had ordered, and Amazon apologized and expedited the process of exchanging the item for the right one.
MORE softening up!

Today, our house drain plumbing (sewer) backed up. AGAIN! (I’m NOT making these up!)

That was one of the first indications of this conspiracy that I chronicled a year ago! This time, though, the problem did NOT “fix itself.” It required replacement of a piece of underground PVC drain pipe. A plumber was called. There was a lot of digging, sweating, cursing, and angst. And THEN the plumber arrived. His total bill? $600!!

This was NOT "softening up!" This was SERIOUS.

Well, not as bad as the $3,000 transmission overhaul, but still!!

Why am I not sure whether or not the softening up period is over or not? Well, this might be just a continuation of the problems of a year ago, and not part of a new major attack. How does on know for sure?

Rest assured, though, that I am working hard on the problem and will keep you well-informed of my conclusions once all the evidence has been collected and the analysis complete.

Soft or hard? Ready or not, here it comes.



Anonymous said...

This has all got to be tied together somehow...I suggested to you (via my computer) that the van catastrophe in Colorado could be connected to the conspiracy. (like that alliteration?) Anyway it was almost immediately afterwards that my computer began its decline. I don't think they are softening us up, I think they are sending us a series of warnings so we don't forget who's really in control here.

Anonymous said...

Christina is right - they are definitely in control.

Anonymous said...

I've always had similar suspicions. Especially with computers, I just don't get how somedays you turn on your computer and it does something just slightly different to that last time. Or fails to work, then you turn it off and back on again and its fine.

Also sometimes I get in my car and a warning light comes on, sometimes it doesn't.


Duke_of_Earle said...

Yanno, I miss Karyn Lyndon. She's been out of the blog posting business for nearly two months now, but back in her heyday she could have been counted on to comment on this post with some SERIOUS innuendo. I mean come on! A discussion of "soft vs. hard?"

Come back, Karyn, wherever you are.


Shesawriter said...

Funny, I thought it was the microchip the aliens planted in my head that was behind all the chaos. Now I'll have to rethink things... hmmmm.

Tanya :-)

Duke_of_Earle said...

But Tanya, it all FITS TOGETHER! That microchip is tied into the conspiracy along with so much else. Surely you can see and understand!

(Uh... did those aliens... you know...??

Ah, never mind!)


kenju said...

I think you should write a book about the conspiracy, John. You probably wouldn't have any trouble hawking that one!!...LOL