I’ve been thinking...

(Whenever I say that around Carol, she raises an eyebrow. That’s all. No comment from her is required. I used to believe that was her unspoken indication of surprise, based on the infrequent nature of the event. Now I’ve come to understand it’s just her expression of total disbelief that it ever really happens.)

But I have been! Thinking, that is. About yesterday’s post and the comments all my alert and sensitive readers have provided. You’ll notice THEY believe I’m capable of thought, for the first two ask if I have “considered.” (So THERE, Carol!)

Anyway, I’ve begun to wonder if Hewlett-Packard isn’t somehow behind, or at least involved it, this conspiracy. From their web site I attempted to initiate SIX different “chats” with their technicians about my problem. My frustration level grew in exponential bounds as time after time the chat software failed soon after the greeting and introductory phase.

Then HP would rub my face in the fact by sending me an email pointing out that “due to technical problems” the chat had failed. Like I didn’t know! Oh, sure, they apologized. But then they invited me to try again. And being a sucker, I did.

After the third iteration of this cycle I began to suspect that they were laughing at me.

“Let’s see how many times we can entice this sucker to try to chat with us and then cut him off in mid-sentence.” (Snicker, snicker.) “Yeah, then when he’s getting really hot we can keep chatting with him, but lead him on a wild-goose chase involving massive software downloads and registry edits which won’t do any good!” (Heh, heh!) “Oh, yeah! Good one!!”

Well, they’ve got to get SOME entertainment on a Saturday afternoon shift, right? I mean, it’s probably 3:30 a.m. in Sri Lanka where they’re sitting in front of their monitors earning 15 cents per hour playing games with Americans too dumb to Google their problem first.

Maybe THEY are the ones who, as another joke on us hapless Westerners, wrote the program that controls all the electronics and plumbing and cars and appliances and hand tools and houses and so on.

On that basis I think I’ll start sending out millions of “forward to all your friends” emails calling for a boycott on Hewlett Packard. I’ll tell everyone to stop buying HP inkjet cartridges until the price of gasoline gets down to $1.50 a gallon.

THAT’LL teach ’em!

Now, to my readers who commented:

r.e.wolfe — I’m afraid a U.P.S. would just be one MORE piece of equipment for the conspiracy to screw up. Besides, most of our power outages don’t cause problems like this. (And, they cost a lot and I’m cheap!)

Miss Cellania — Yeah, an exorcism seemed like a good idea. I contacted the local Catholic Church and described the conspiracy and what it affected and how it worked. Their priests told me to go away and never contact them again, lest THEY get infected.

Karyn — Yes, Google is great. How did we ever get along without it? (Btw; nice pool!)

RobotJam — Actually that’s a myth about Microsoft’s bug of the month. I have it on GOOD AUTHORITY that they award the “most annoying” prize weekly, not monthly.

M.E Ellis — Even though you’re a certified lunatic... Okay, I’ll use “nutter” if you prefer. And we all adore your lunacy! Anyway, you’re right: the forces behind the conspiracy LOVE to get us frustrated. So I try (as you indicate) not to let it show if possible. But sometimes I feel like that sketched character on your blog who’s suffering keyboard rage.