Monday, May 01, 2006

Trash can update

Since I KNOW it’s a burning issue for you— What? HOW do I know? Well, read the comments! Gee, I got more emails and comments when I post about garbage can disposal than when I write about hot, naked sex.

Okay, so I never write about hot, naked sex. I still got a lot of comments about the garbage cans.

RobotJam said I was writing a “right load of garbage this month.” Funny, that’s what the literary agents seem to think about my book as well. “Hey, Rob, you’ve got the makings of a good literary agent!”

(I wrote him back that I might TALK a lot of trash, but I don’t usually write garbage! I wonder what he meant by “a right load.” Is that the opposite of a “left load?”)

Theresa seemed to think I should take the garbage can to the metal recycler who pays me for aluminum cans. The trouble with that is there’s no profit for a recycler in galvanized steel, so they’re not interested.

Christina, however, specifically asked for an outcome. She wanted to know if the trash men did or did not pick up the flattened can.

By the way, did you notice in the close-up picture of that can that it seemed to be smiling at the camera? I think it was laughing at me. Really!

Well, Christina will be happy to know that I got the last laugh. By now that flattened piece of crumpled rusty worthless metal is buried in our local landfill. HA!! Yes, the trash men hauled it away.

I had an idea this morning about the other two cans. I think I might lay them down on their side and try to run over them with our van. THAT ought to crush them flat! And I’ll get no blisters, bruises or sore butt in the process.

But yanno, with MY luck a corner of rusty steel will puncture one of my tires and I’ll have to buy a new one. So I think I’ll be better off just hauling them to a nearby dumpster and tossing them in when nobody’s looking.

But again, with MY luck somebody will see and report me, and the police will cite me for improper disposal. Or they might arrest me on the spot, confiscate my car and haul me to jail. Then, by the time Carol bails me out I’ll have lost my job for poor attendance. We’ll be cast out of our house and have to live in the streets, searching for old metal garbage cans to sleep in to keep the rain off.

That crushed, flattened can may get the last laugh after all.

Well, in the future I think I’ll just post something about hot, naked sex.

(That’s three times I’ve used that phrase. I ought to get a whole BUNCH of weird Google hits on my blog tonight and probably some wild comments. We’ll see.)


Anonymous said...

Yes, I am very pleased to hear that the garbage men took away the flattened can. Why don't you find out why they won't take garbage cans? There may be some reason, and if not, request them to pick yours up.

Nah, the dumpster idea was easier.

Anonymous said...

Am I imagining things, or were there just some 9 or 10 copies of this post up?

lol I think it's past my bedtime . . .

Anonymous said...

John do you not have compost heaps over there. I find all garbage/rubbish bins make great compost containers. if they've got holes in them it even saves you drilling a few your self.

Also I'm kind of wondering how many people there are with hot naked garbage bin sex on the mind.

Actually I'm not sure I want to know.

Duke_of_Earle said...

RobotJam: I'm pretty darn sure I don't want to know. But thus far I haven't had any comments I've felt compelled to delete, so the references didn't seem to attract the weirdos as I'd feared.

Good point about the compost containers, though. Maybe I should have tried to sell my surplus cans as such on e-Bay and made some money!


Ana Lee Kennedy said...

I should probably do the same. I think I might be boring my readers of late, lol.

Zinnia said...

Sounds like that trash can has developed a personality. That's pretty creepy...