Thursday, June 23, 2005

Card contest.

(Hallmark would love this.)

Of my two daughters, the younger is by far the more artistic one. She gets it from her mother, of course. I can draw a straight line, but only if I use a ruler.

I have referred to her in this blog as Elizabeth (her middle name, of which she is not particularly fond). In fact, I shortened it a few times to Liz, which really drew her ire. Her real name (now that she, like her older sister, is leaving Texas for another part of the country, and no longer needs to be shielded, I guess) is Amy.

Anyway, as all of you regulars here know, I think I’m pretty clever. I say that in all humility. (I can hear Amy hooting in laughter as she reads that.) Well, she thinks she’s pretty clever too. (Trouble is; she’s right. But don’t tell her I think so.) All of that cleverness (real and assumed) manifests itself in a contest to see who can select the cleverest greeting card for birthdays, anniversaries, Fathers Day, and so on.

An example: On her birthday a few years ago I picked out a card “from both of us” that purported to be from “The Jungle Stud and his Amazon Temptress,” with appropriate cartoon drawings of a Tarzan-like male and a tiger-skin-clad beauty. Carol and I signed it and sent it to her. That’s just so far from any hint either of reality or of her perception of her staid parents that she found it hilarious.

Well, for Fathers Day this year she sent me TWO cards. The first was a nod to my tendency to come up with horrible puns. It pictured a golfer, with a question on the front asking why golfers always take an extra pair of socks when they play. The answer, on the inside, was, “In case they get a hole in one.”

Yeah, I know, that’s an OLD, OLD joke. She wrote on the envelope that I was to open that one first, since she had found it first and thought it fit her punster Dad perfectly. The other envelope indicated that she had then found this second card, and just couldn’t leave the store without it. I was to open it second.

The card itself was kinda generic. On the front were two cartoon pictures with the message:

“For Fathers Day Fun:

Some guys like to golf… (picture).

Some guys like to fish… (picture).

You’re lucky!”

On the inside is a picture of a man holding a net, wearing waders and standing in a pond. On the bank is a golf bag on a pull-cart. The caption is:

“You get to do both!”

Yeah, yeah. Ha, ha. So I hit a lot of balls into the water hazards. What’s so funny?

But then my artistic daughter added to the picture a dotted-line outline of a figure standing on the bank with the words, “Insert Mom here.” Then she added a dotted-line outline in the water in front of the man with the net and wrote, “Insert Mom’s Robo-caddy here.”

Now THAT was funny!! (Here’s the card, for those of you who just HAVE to see a picture to understand.)

If you don’t get it, read THIS POST.

Okay, Amy wins this round. But stand by for her birthday and anniversary. I’ll be conducting an in-depth search for the perfect rebuttal!

(This is for Karyn: the DotM defines “Conduct” as a descriptive term for people who don’t like heating and air conditioning vents and passages.)


Anonymous said...

This may sound corny, but it's little exchanges like that which make a family, not gifts of BMW's for birthdays or summers on the Cape with a nanny or maid. Good for you folks to have such a wonderful working relationship.

Duke_of_Earle said...

Uh, Hamel? Since you and I are NOT family... That new BMW would be fine for my next birthday, y'know?

Karyn Lyndon said...

Very cute! My family goes out of their way to find "perfect" cards, too...and they must be humerous. No gushy, flowery poetry for us. Those kind are considered an insult.

And Hamel, I could REALLY USE a summer on the Cape.

Hale McKay said...

This is to extend a thanks. What did you do? Just asking me why I had counter on every posting - it made me admit that I didn't know how to get it on the sidebar. Well admiting that forced me to do nothing else but study closely the instructions - then like a bolt out of the blue it hit me! Added a clock for laughs also. It'll take a while, but I'm deleted the counters one-by-one from my postings. They certainly look better. Thanks again! Next to figure out: links to blogs I like and recommend. That's another day.

Duke_of_Earle said...


Always happy to help. Asking dumb questions is my specialty! Followed closely by making inane comments and alienating people.

How nice to have found my niche!


Jodi said...

My brother and I used to compete for cards, also. Aw, who am I kidding - we still do. We compete to see who calls first to wish our parents birthday/anniversary wishes. All in good fun.

Oh, and I found your blog after countless clicks on "Next Blog" (upper right corner). I found yours and noticed the similarity in our blog title, but not the background...

Thanks for adding me to your links, I'll do the same.

Nankin said...

John, I'm doing by best (but not good enough) to link your blog to mine. How about sending the retard your exact address?

Karyn Lyndon said...

Have you always been a people alienator or is that just since your blog? And do you alienate them by making inane comments or are those two separate faults?

Duke_of_Earle said...

FAULTS?? Those are character traits!

I'm proud of those abilities. Not everyone has them! And no, they are not "just since my blog." I've spent years developing and perfecting them.

Check out my latest post, a comment on your somewhat tame (but not "lame")attempt at a "freaky Friday." That ought to alienate you.