Sunday, June 19, 2005

I BEAT MY WIFE!

Most husbands would never admit to beating their wives, even if asked. Remember that old “gotcha” question to which there’s no good yes or no answer: “Have you stopped beating your wife?”

All you regular readers are already thinking, “Oh, he means at golf. Big deal.”

Well, on (rare) occasion I have shot a lower score than she did for one nine or the other, assuming we played an 18-hole round. But I can’t remember the last time I beat her for the entire 18 holes.

Well, actually I CAN remember the last time.

TODAY!!

What? Who cares, you ask? Well I DO, for one!

Darn it, when we get paired up with other folks I get tired of being asked with a snicker after I dribble a tee shot, “Gee, does your husband play golf?”

So YES, it IS a BIG DEAL!

Huh? How badly did I beat her? There you go, getting anal retentive again, worrying about quantity and relative size. Why does the actual score matter? Mine was better! Winning is winning, whether by a large margin or a small one.

Does the winning thoroughbred get a bigger purse if the margin of victory is six lengths rather than a nose? No! Does the Olympic runner get a bigger gold medal if he wins by ten seconds than if by 1/100 of a second? No!

So what difference does it make? You still want to know?

OK. It was one stroke.

There! Are you happy now?

What? You want to know if she played well? Actually she played very badly for her, and I played above average for me.

SO WHAT?!!? I WON, ALL RIGHT?

What do you mean, "Did she LET me win!?"

Why would she do that?

Oh, because it's Fathers Day? And she loves me and wanted me to have a happy day? Well...

(If she did, it worked!)


P.S. The fawn was there again today, similar spot, looking very healthy and well-fed.

P.P.S. I really like a comment made by BILL the Marine on his blog from Iraq: "Any male can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad."

Amen, Bill. Semper Fi!



8 comments:

Hamel said...

Hilarious. I've shot pool with my wife once, and swore never again. We were at some dive bar in Providence, RI, with a pool table in the back. I never play. I think Stevie Wonder would likely give me a good ol' whoopin. Anyway, she asks to shoot pool with me, I say yes, figuring we'll put our four quarters into the table and make it last for an hour or two. She proceeds to run the table on me, while people stop to watch her. I wanted to hide in the corner. We both had a great laugh that night, along with everyone else in the bar.

Remember Steve Mizerak, the "Even when you're just showing off" pool shark from the Miller Lite ads? I had the good fortune to interview him once for a column I was writing. We sat down and he could not have been a more humble, kind, genuine man. I asked him how he got so good at pool, and he said "I'm a prodigy. I was born to shoot pool. Ever since I was a kid, I could hit a ball into the pocket. Everyone's got a gift, but most people never find what theirs is. I was fortunate to find mine."

Great guy, but I still haven't forgiven him for not helping me beat my wife...

kenju said...

Happy Father's Day! As they say "An inch is as good as a mile", so I suppose 1 stroke is as good as anything.

Duke_of_Earle said...

Judy:

There you go, obsessing over quantity!

I WON! Who cares about inches or miles?

Sheesh!

(Just because she usually beats me by 10-12 strokes... So WHAT?)

VikiBabbles said...

Congratulations! And Happy Father's Day!

pointmeister said...

Who ever said "It's not whether you win or lose but how you play the game that counts," probably never actually played. - Good stuff!

Karyn Lyndon said...

Congratulations! I have no smartalec comments, well, except maybe it's about freakin' time.

pointmeister said...

Oh, by the way, (re: counter) the dummy in me can't figure out how to get it on he sidebar. (Duh!)

Michelle said...

I always say "A win is a Win". Well done John - you deserved that win and am happy you are happy *smiles*.