Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Love at first sound

Today I’m leaving the topic of exploding toilets, unexplained plumbing “events,” and appliance conspiracies.

(As discussed in an earlier post, if the prefix “con” means “against,” then “conspiracy” must describe those who don’t like robbery on the high seas. I enlightened Karyn the other day on a derivative definition: “conspire” describes those who don’t like church steeples.)

(Oh, and in response to a number of requests, I’ll continue to explore various word sources and definitions as opportunities arise. How many requests? Well, it was a round number. Yes, “zero” is a number, and it’s almost round! But I’m sure that if one or two of you had thought of it you’d have requested more, right? Right? Hello? Awfully quiet out there…)

OK, to my topic for today:

Carol and I met at a dance. The whole story is described in my “romance novel” CHERISH IS THE WORD. I presented it as a novel because there are some fictionalized events added and the names of characters are changed, but it’s about 90% true. (Just ask her. She read it and liked it. And she NEVER lies!)

Soon a very perceptive editor at a publishing house will recognize the potential for this story and you’ll all see it on the shelves of bookstores, newsstands, even Wal-Mart. But for now, consider this a teaser to whet your appetite.

When she walked in (at the dance), I was immediately entranced. Why? Well, she’s gorgeous! Darn near breathtaking. In an uncharacteristic moment of bravado, I stepped forward and spoke before anyone else did, so she strolled into the ballroom with me.

(Btw, she has declined to state her first impression of MY appearance that night, except to declare that my Navy full dress white uniform was gorgeous. Clothes make the man, eh? What? No, I did NOT say that she thought I wasn’t good looking! But even if she did, what does she know? She claims she didn’t think SHE was all that great looking, and boy, was THAT wrong!)

Was it love at first sight? No.

But I just said she was (and is) gorgeous, right? What’s not to love?

She and I have discussed this many times. Yes, I was initially attracted to her appearance. At that moment, it was all I had to go on. But my emotions didn’t begin to move into the “love” zone until she opened her mouth and spoke.

What? I couldn’t have loved a mute person? Of course I could have. But when she spoke I heard intelligence. She was articulate, grammatical, and the topics we discussed—though not deep, philosophical positions—were of common interests and values.

There was no conscious thought process or logic telling me, “OK, lets see… Good looking? Check. Well spoken? Check. Solid values? Check.” But as the minutes became an hour or two I found myself swept off my feet. (No, in an emotional sense, not physical! She did not kick my legs out from under me!)

As I’ve thought about that evening many times afterwards, I’ve realized what happened. There are plenty of pretty girls and great looking guys out there. But while an attraction may begin with physical appearance; that alone is not nearly enough to know if true love exists (or may exist).

You’ve heard the expression “soul mates.” The soul consists of the mind, will and emotions. I believe that two souls must “connect,” or find a commonality of values and maybe interests, for love to occur and last.

Yes, opposite personality styles can and often do attract. But conflicting core values almost never do. And you can’t learn that from outward appearances, because, as we all know, appearances can be deceiving.

Love at first sight? Sounds good, but I’m dubious. In my experience love didn’t happen until the first hour or so of conversation and banter.

Your thoughts?`


Karyn Lyndon said...

My husband and I met at a disco in Dallas... "Do a Little Dance, Make a Little Love, Get Down Tonight..." (mood music)

When I saw him from across the room, I turned to my best friend and said, "that looks like the kind of guy I'd like to take home to Mom."

There was a chemistry that happened before he and I ever uttered a word to each other.

A little while later he asked me to dance. It was a lighted dance floor and we ended up hustling the night away. And shortly thereafter I did take him home to meet Mom and Dad.

I'd call that love at first sight.

"That's the way, un huh, un huh, I like it, un huh, un huh."(more mood music)

Anonymous said...

Your question is exactly what Shakespeare deals with in Romeo and Juliet. Romeo sees aformentioned Juliet from across the room and says "Whoa, I love her." Well, you beleive in one or two things here. You can tell a person's personality from their appearance and mannerisms and fall in love with them, or that you fall in lust with the person and convince yourself that they look both nice and attractive that it must be love. I'm from the latter camp. It's not love until you've spoken about something of substance. But who am I to define love. Oh, wait, I just did.

Duke_of_Earle said...


You sure did. And very well, I think.


Anonymous said...

I don't believe in love at first sight but I do believe that our souls can connect instantly and that there is a strong feeling of chemistry and a feeling of love for that other person.

Robin said...

I have most definitely found my soul mate. We were friends first. I do not believe in love at first sight.

Here is the post I wrote about our story if you are interested.